First and foremost thank y'all for every sweet thought and note you left on the blog regarding our having another sweet boy. We are SO excited! I can't wait to meet this little boy who, since he's jumped on and stumbled over every day by his big brother, is sure to be a tough little guy. And speaking of ...
I'm sitting here watching the debates and my thoughts started to wander to dreaming about who this little person is that's thumping around inside my tummy. Thumping as a result, I'm sure, from being annoyed with listening to these guys argue back and forth.
I won't speak for all moms but for me it's so different being pregnant this time around. The first time I was still my selfish self. You don't realize how selfish you are until you have a child. I also had no idea how much I could love. Not that I love my child more than my husband, that's not what I'm saying. But the love you feel for a spouse is a love that matures and grows and develops over time. Matures and grows and develops stronger and stronger. The love for your child is immediate. It explodes in your heart the minute you lay eyes on them and you know, IMMEDIATELY, that you would lay down in front of a truck, take a bullet, do ANYTHING to protect them from emotional and physical harm until you take your last breath. Its a terrifyingly wonderful kind of love. Knowing that love makes this pregnancy different. I felt it the day I knew I was pregnant. I wanted to protect that little peanut with every fiber of my being. This time, I knew what I stood to lose.
Saying all of that, let me come to another point. Having two boys. I honestly had NO preference on if this baby was a boy or girl. Well, that's a lie. The one thing I cared about and still do care about is that he's healthy. And praise the Lord so far he is. Having said that there is one thing that, as a now solely boy mom, burns me up and has since I've had C. When I first announced that C was a boy I got comments like "oh that's good, have your boy first and then you can have your girl" or "well maybe the next one will be a girl" and such things of that nature. They annoyed me at the time but I looked past them and got over it. But this time? THIS time? I got the same thing. I even got some "are you disappointed?" or "well, now you'll just have to have a third." But this time? THIS time? It PISSED me off.
Am I DISAPPOINTED?!? That I've been blessed with a healthy, precious, miracle of God? Am I DISAPPOINTED that, when tons of people suffer with infertility, miscarriage and other such heartbreaking issues we were blessed with a baby? Really? REALLY?!? ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Did I miss something somewhere? Does it say somewhere that having girls is the only acceptable gender of babies to get excited about? Don't get me wrong I love me some precious baby girls. I love me some precious baby boys. I love me some BABIES. They are a portrait of innocence and purity and are precious, precious gifts of God. But I would never, NEVER act disappointed when I found out someone was having the same gender for a second, third, fourth (God help you) etc etc baby. Never.
So a word to the wise to those that don't have children or those that only know bows and ruffles. Don't act disappointed for your friends or acquaintances that are blessed with boys for the second time. Because these knee-scraping, dirt-eating, rambunctious-acting, loud-talking sweet souls they are raising up will someday become the husbands of your ruffle-bottomed, bow-headed, baby doll-loving, tender-hearted precious girls and their momma's don't need the idea that they received the short end of the gender stick. The good news is we already know we didn't. Because these boys, in the middle of running full speed at our legs, smacking the dog in the head with their trains and jumping on your back for piggy back rides will stop, walk over and give you a kiss smack on the lips and wrap their arms around your neck. At that moment, they're just your baby. Boy, girl, toddler or grownup, your baby. Until your very last breath. And your heart could not be more full.
(DISCLAIMER: This is not directed at a particular friend or acquaintance so please don't be sitting around wondering if you're the one that said any of these things. If you know me well enough to be reading this, you probably didn't.)